When did you come to know the spirituality of unity and how has it changed your life and family?

Baby: I got to know the spirituality of unity through a colleague at work at the International School where my husband and I worked before. We were receiving the monthly Word of Life leaflet from her and at first I was not really paying attention to it. But later on some Focolare members came to visit us in Antipolo where we live. What struck me about the Focolare was the freedom that it gave me to join or not to join meetings. When I saw how they were living the Word of God concretely, I freely joined them. I told myself, “This life is what I want!” We have three children and often together with them we would participate in the yearly Mariapolises, the Focolare summer gatherings. Our children also learned the culture of unity, and tried to outdo each other with acts of love at home and in school. We did not preach to them, but, as a family, we lived the life of unity and they were doing acts of love all throughout the day.

Tony: Since our kids were at Brent International School where we taught and worked, at the dinner table we would share about what we had lived during the day. We often asked them, “What acts of love have you been able to do today at school?” I remember Lorelie, our youngest girl, sharing something which struck me so much: “I woke up and seeing that our helper was busy with many things, I did not bother her. Instead I fixed my own bed, and got the broom to sweep the floor.” This was quite remarkable when I noticed that the broom was even taller than my small daughter.

Baby: The children were also helping us to live the Gospel. When sometimes we quarreled, our children would remind us, “Oops... we are in the Focolare...” Or another time, my second son Vincent reminded me about honesty.A salesman had come to the door with some products. I had asked our helper to tell him that I wasn’t around. Then Vincent told me. “Mom, that’s a lie.” I tried to reason with him, “But my son, they will just sell us some products and we don’t have the money.”

So Vincent would scold me gently.“Why don’t we face them together and tell them that we don’t have a budget for that. At least we wouldn’t be telling a lie.” So we did and I experienced a deep peace afterwards. It’s also a challenge to be really role models, to practice and live what we teach our children. I will never forget another experience with Vincent when he was in grade 4.

Once, his classmate had forgotten an expensive and beautiful pen. Vincent really liked the pen, and he took it. But that night he was not able to sleep and so he came to me to confess what he did. The next day he returned the pen to his classmate. His classmate was very happy too as it was really something which her mother treasured a lot. Later, even the parents of this classmate gave Vincent a gift to reciprocate his honesty and care.

Can you tell me about Vincent’s accident, how did it happen?

Tony: It was the start of a new school year in 1996. There was a traditional acquaintance party. Vincent had been absent the week before because he had been sick. That time he had difficulty walking. He was in grade 10 and just 16 years old. He insisted on going to school that day as it was election time, and his friend was running for president. He wanted to show his support for her. Thus he went in to school and voted. That night they also had the acquaintance party. Things got a bit mixed up and they left the party after midnight. Vincent was in the passenger seat when his friends’ car hit a truck parked on the sidewalk.

The car went under the truck. Vincent was pinned down under it and they couldn’t pull him out. He was the only one who died there.

Baby: Vincent’s face was totally disfigured when I saw him in the morgue. But there was something that really consoled me. When I saw Tony without Vincent that early morning, I remembered my prayers that moment. “Jesus, My God, I don’t know why this has happened, but if this is your will, then I say my yes to you. Yet it is very painful. I don’t know what to do! Please take over from now on. I don’t know what to do.” I really cried so much afterwards.

I went to the Church, and providentially a priest accompanied me to bless Vincent’s body. Those days I meditated often on Jesus Forsaken as the key to unity when we embraced him in situations that remind us of Christ’s abandonment on the cross. Then I really found myself embracing Jesus Forsaken like Mary desolate at the foot of the cross. I realized that if we entrust everything to God, he will indeed really take care of us. I was there that whole day beside the bed of my son in the small morgue but I felt that the presence of Jesus so strongly. I asked Jesus to give a dignified funeral for my son. Things just happened so naturally from the bluish gray metal coffin that one parent of Brent school gave us, a donation of white and pink balloons, a chapel that was provided near Brent School, a 10,000 pesos cash donation needed as an initial for the funeral services, and food prepared by friends of my eldest son. Vincent’s funeral turned out to be so beautiful.

How were you able to cope with the pain of this loss?

Tony: I don’t know how I gathered the energy or had the grace to face this tragedy. I saw flowers arriving and realized that Vincent had a lot of friends. But after the funeral my pain lingered on. Our eldest son never left his room because he felt guilty for not having been there during Vincent’s death. Then one day, he came out of his room saying ‘Mom, dad, Vincent has forgiven me! In my dream, he gave me a tour of where he is now. He told me that “Mom should not worry because I’m in a beautiful place. And I want you to be good so that you can join me when your time comes.’”

Baby: After several months, some people urged me to file a case against the family that owned the car which caused Vincent’s death. I had already talked things over with a lawyer. Then, one night I saw Vincent in a dream.

I woke up crying. He had appeared to me saying: “Mom, forgive seventy times seven!” I told him “But Vincent, if it were not for them, you would still be alive.” He responded, “Mom, it was not their fault. It was my time. Mom, love until it hurts. These are my friends. It’s not their fault.”

So I didn’t go ahead in filing a case. It was a big step for us after Vincent’s death. Today I feel privileged because with all our imperfections we have a son who lived like a small saint. So when my husband and I sometimes have a misunderstanding and disunity, I always think that I have to rise up in this situation, and start again over again because otherwise I would not be able to join Vincent one day. This would be my greatest tragedy.

Tony: The greatest grace I received was during his funeral mass. The family of the owner of the car was there during the mass. When it was time for the sign of peace, I looked for this family and I embraced them. After the mass many people approached us thanking us for our Christian witness.

We are very thankful that we have gotten to know and practice this ideal of unity. It helped us to forgive and to see Christ in others.

Interviewed by Jose Aranas

The Vincent Oliver B. Abad Memorial Soccer Award

A sports initiative for peace and brotherhood

The Vincent Oliver B. Abad Memorial Soccer Award has been established in memory of Vincent Oliver B.

Abad - a member of the Brent International School’s Soccer Team that won the first soccer championship trophy for Brent School at a soccer festival and several other awards for Brent. Vincent was one of the three Brent students that were chosen to be members of the Philippine Soccer Team that competed in three international soccer competitions: the Helsinki Cup in Finland, the Gothia Cup in Sweden, and the Dana Cup in Denmark. He received his last soccer award, the Coaches Soccer Award, in May 1996. Three months later on August 24th, Vincent died in a car accident – 13 days after his 16th birthday.

He had just started 10th grade and was already planning to become a doctor. Vincent was recognized a “Brent Model Student” by Headmaster Dick Robbins in his homily during the funeral service at Christ the King Church in Green Meadows, Quezon City. An award in honor of Vincent was initiated by the school after his death. The criteria for this award are the same ones used by the coaches who chose him for the 1995-96 Soccer Coaches Award. Their objective is to instill these same criteria in Brent soccer players.

Sportsmanship: courteous and respectful to coaches, referees, team members and one’s opponents especially when the game becomes rough; graciousness in winning or losing.

Self-discipline: Present and on time, and ready to play in every team practice and tournament, rain or shine.

Positive Attitude: A striving spirit.

He encouraged his teammates to do their best despite the odds; kept team spirit high – before, during, and after the games. In an essay Vincent wrote, “I feel that I am the school’s ambassador while wearing the Brent soccer uniform out there on the soccer field.” (Excerpt from his essay “My Favorite Sport”).

A foundation On the 40th day after Vincent’s death, when his family, friends and classmates gathered before his tomb for Mass, they were waiting for the priest who had not yet arrived.

They remarked to one another there is really a shortage of priests nowadays.

While waiting for the priest, Vincent’s mom Baby Abad encouraged everyone to set up a foundation for Vincent. One goal of the foundation is to offer scholarships to seminarians who are preparing for priesthood. Second, in memory of Vincent and his love for soccer, they also established a soccer cup. So they passed the hat around for the collection. They were able to collect 13,000 pesos. Vincent’s family and friends put up a foundation, and this 13,000 grew to 400 thousand pesos.

They were able to send two boys to the seminary, who have now been ordained as priests.

Many are also the outreach programs of Vincent Oliver Abad Memorial Educational Foundation, Inc. (VOAMEd) that the family and friends of Vincent have initiated and conducted both in and outside Brent International School.