Why Do I Smoke?

“To fit in with my peers, I feel that I have to learn how to smoke. Otherwise, they will start to think I am ‘uncool.’”

I assume you are a teenager, and based on your query I can also see that you worry about yourself: the image you project to others, your desire to be accepted and become successful. Sometimes, this means trying to find another group outside your own family that makes you feel you belong. But can you be sure that this other group will accept you on the fact of your smoking alone? What guarantee do you have that you will not be isolated and abandoned by them later on? And most importantly, how are you going to go about the business of growing up?

All these questions could stir anxiety and fear in your mind. These need an outlet, a re-orientation of priorities and values. It is typical and common at this stage for young people to “try out grown-up stuff,” like smoking and drinking alcohol. Seeing someone smoking projects that impression that one is accomplished or successful, or that he is already independent and not tied under the strings of one’s parents anymore. It is an illusion that idle minds are willing to believe.

At first, they just want to try out what they see many of their peers doing. Eventually, several of them outgrow the excitement and decide to end the experiment. But others go on until they will have reached a particular saturation point, a certain maturity. However, unfortunately, there are those who will end up with a real addiction that will last a long time or even a lifetime. What can we do?

First of all, let’s be rational. This helps us understand that to be our own person does not mean experimenting with things that we know are detrimental to our health and are likely to create complications and trouble later on. Why not find that passion or endeavor closest to your heart, like sports or the arts? You might just find the right crowd of people who will share your interests. They would be more fun to be with when you decide to go watch a movie or simply hang out after a game or arts class. Keeping one’s mind preoccupied with positive and worthwhile things will definitely have no room for temptation.

Also, try to think about what binds you to that group of friends whom you want to be with but whom you think will require you to smoke like them. What else do you have in common with them aside from that? Can you see yourself 5-10 years henceforth still be hanging out with this group of people, smoking?

Listen to that voice within you, your conscience, which tells you to apply the brakes when it senses something amiss. Treat this as your “values gauge,” where that feeling of uncertainty and anxiety tugs at your heart whenever you tend to do something that goes against those important values instilled in you by your upbringing in the family. Listening to that voice makes you free and peaceful at all times.

Andrea Karla with Ezio Aceti

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Waiting for our First Baby

“In a few months our first child will be born. Do you have some suggestions to help in his development?”

There are many recommendations pediatricians usually give to new parents. From our point of view let us focus instead on two basic attitudes: the first is real listening, the second is knowledge of child development, including good reading or participating in some meeting about child development and harvesting from the wisdom and experience of your elders (your own parents, grandparents, etc).

Listening is constructive and vital in any relationship. Being open to new ideas, being open to dialogue are true and necessary conditions in education. When parents think they know everything there is to know, having read countless books or surfed the internet, and believe that they are the sole repository of facts in handling children, then the relationship with their child cannot bear fruit, but instead will create dependency and suffering. Let us not fall into this temptation and treat our children like ignorant beings that need to be educated because they lack in so many aspects. Instead, let us treat them like we would an unknown planet: new and fascinating, where one has to discover its beauty and richness.

Here in Asia, we regard our elders as a source of wisdom. In fact, aside from scientific research, studies and knowledge on the how-to’s, we must not forget the experiences lived by those more mature than we are. Our elders have the values that our predecessors have held dear in their hearts and wish to pass on to their future heirs. At the same time, we must temper these with updated findings in the arena of child-rearing.

All programs on child development should be child-centered with emphasis on loving the child - at all costs. Teaching children about love is appropriate and necessary. This is only possible in the context of a family, a mother and a father, married to each other and living under one roof. This is how and where they will learn about love first of all through the example and experience of growing up in this environment. This special love gives them the sense of security that will nurture their confidence. This confidence will enable them to aim high and achieve more.

When a child is loved, he learns to appreciate life. He will not be a problem child or a bane to society when he grows older. In the face of problems, he will have learned to cope and deal with the issues, because he has that solid foundation of love and security tucked under his belt. With love and his welfare as top priority on your minds as his parents, he will grow up to be a productive citizen of society. This is what God asks of us, his co-creators. He who loved us first, has taught us that this love is the foundation of a good family, society and all kinds of relationships. We must remember that love begets love.

Ezio Aceti with Eddy Co Chua

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